I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
my shit smells like andre
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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