Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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