dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm like, not good at living.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize