..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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