Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
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You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
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In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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