i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
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Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
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I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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