I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
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Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
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You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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