He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
apparently the secret to your success is patron
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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