just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize