At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
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i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
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Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize