She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
handjob tips. give me some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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