I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
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No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
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I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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