You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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