So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
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champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
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Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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