k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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