Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
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Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize