Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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