It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Everything about him screamed your future.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
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new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
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I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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