so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i was born a porn star she said
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
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So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
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I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize