When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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