five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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