Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
she peed on how many people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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