In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
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you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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