Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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