You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
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you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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