I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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