he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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