haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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