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Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
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