You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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