I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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