wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize