My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize