She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
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Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
This can only be settled by a dance off.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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