dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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