he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
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My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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