My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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