I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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