So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize