the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
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I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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