Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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