I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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