i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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