how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize