I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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