just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
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Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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