My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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