don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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