I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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