Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My life is pants optional.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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