i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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